she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
