I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
