fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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