I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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