Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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