OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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