I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
