strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
