Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize