Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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