my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Randomize
