You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
