I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
