after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
