We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
