Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
