Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
third nipple confirmed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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