We won't sleep together?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
