i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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