I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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