Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
