yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
