so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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