The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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