He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
