Soap is not a condiment
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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