the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
where are my eyebrows?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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