my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
