I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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