I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
