Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
