Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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