idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
