I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
