she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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