Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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