he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
