I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
