So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
