remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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