Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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