speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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