i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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