hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
