remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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