the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
