im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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