Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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