Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
