dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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