i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
