so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
